Paper Hearts
by The.Dust.Of.Jack
Summary: Buy what you break, Raito-kun. Don’t destroy things that aren’t rightfully yours. Be delicate with fragile things. LxLight


Title: Paper Hearts  
Pairing: L x Light. ^_^ Not kidding. Actually.  
Rating: …everyone.  
Warning: …None =] Bit of angst? I'm not feeling so angry today, though ;D Maybe a little bit of OOC. Im feeling like a happy ending. AGGH :O What's up with me?

Summary: Buy what you break, Raito-kun. Don't destroy things that aren't rightfully yours. Be delicate with fragile things.

Author's Note: This is so for Raley. Cos I've been an asshole and she knows it. I'm ignoring stuff I promised her ages ago purposefully. =/ I am such a bastard sometimes.  
But I loves her lots and she deserves love! Much of it!

* * *

I gave it you for a reason, Raito-kun. My heart isn't just something you can play with. So don't even think about it.

You look at me in the same way you look at every other girl: as if I'm going to faint at your feet with that single, smouldering look. Beautiful it may be, tempting too, but I am not merely another damsel that wants you as much as you don't want me.

Want you, I may, but not that much, I'm afraid. Don't think I'm just another female ready and waiting for you to take me in your arms and ride away into the sunset.

I'm going to wake up in the morning, besides you, gazing at you every morning, but behind my eyes I will have something a little extra that only you will see.

I will lean over to hover as the sunlight streams into the room. Your eyes will flicker as it hits them, and as they open I will kiss you.

You will lean up and wrap your arms around me, caving to me and smirking into my mouth. But you will be a quiet lover, like me. You will be reserved and silent, making no noises to match me. I too will say nothing, not moan, but share my pleasure through meaningful looks that you could only half understand. A genius you may be, but you are still young. You can read me better than anyone, but you're still only a novice in this art. I am an open book to you, and you have not finished indulging yourself in me. I invite you to read me - but some of the pages are worn and smudged and ripped. They were destroyed so you could never read them, Raito-kun. So don't even try to.

I don't know why you're doing this. I don't understand what you gain from this, other than a release from sexual tension. But you have Misa for that, do you not? Yes. No. I'm always there watching you, I suppose. And that'd be embarrassing. Apparently. About as embarrassing as actually having sexual intercourse with me? Apparently not. I suppose it'd be more hassle with Misa, because she would be shouting at me for staring all the way through.

Well, excuse me for studying my number one suspects. And excuse me for finding the thought of two beautiful people having sex right next to me half attractive.

But I wasn't built for sharing, I suppose. I never quite mastered that art. So maybe it would turn out bloody… on behalf on Misa-san's very pretty little nose.

So answer me this, Raito-kun, if you can read me as well as you think you can - as well as I know you could if you started to respect me more as a person and not a robot with convenient genitals as well as your biggest enemy. Why? Why do you embrace me at night? Why do you sneak me kisses when no-one else is looking. If we were caught it would put us both in some serious shit with your father, and we both know how scary that man is when he is angry - you especially, with that deal in the car. I'm surprised you yourself didn't die of cardiac arrest when he pulled that trigger.

I'll be more surprised, though, if you're doing this to get to my name. That would be naïve and - plainly - very stupid. And that is something you are not. With the right training, you would most definitely replace me, even if I didn't die.

Is it selfish of me to wish you were an orphan? I believe that if you went to Wammy's House you would bloom so beautifully and rise up in the ranks so quickly that you would be challenging me before I ever expected to be challenged. And, I hate to admit it, but… you'd be winning.

But you don't have that training. I still have an edge. And I would never tell you that I have such an edge, because it would boost your ego up phenomenally high. It's up into the clouds already, Raito-kun.

Maybe that's where your head is. Maybe that's why you think this crude, half-thought-out plan will squeeze my name out of me. No. I'm going to keep this secret.

No. You're not getting something so easily. I will not cave to a beautiful face; I will not lose to such a see-through plan. Really, Raito-kun, don't you expect better of me? After all I've proved to you? Do you still not see how clever I am? Or maybe you think I will fall for your charms like every body else.

No. I will not die because of such a failure. Lesser men have fallen from smaller mistakes.

Or is it for another reason? Do you - do you l-

No, I must stop that thought right there. I'm going to avoid the cliché. Nothing about you is cliché, Raito-kun. Not even your hair colour, which defies your Asian heritage.

I broke the cycle. I appeared out of nowhere and was instantly the best. I could solve cold cases with little effort, and I shook up the system. Because of my power I can break rules. The topping on the cake is that the Government help me break rules.

It got incredibly boring after that, I suppose. And then you walked in. First as Kira, and then as the transfixing Yagami Light. You destroyed my ego by looking at me with hateful eyes, but you lit a fire under my ass making me want to catch you. At the same time that you even looked at me at all made my ego race up to meet yours, and then you kissed me; that soft look in your eye you get when you wake to me hovering over you - it threw water onto the fire each time and every time it made those sparks burn less. I don't want to give you up, Raito-kun.

There is my selfishness again.

You hurt me. You crushed my paper heart more than once.

You walked in and you broke my system. I don't want to let you go. I don't want you to leave my life. I want you by my side forever, and if I have to use these handcuffs up until the day I die, by God I will. Maybe I -

No. I don't. Don't be stupid.

There is so much more to know about you, and I want to know. Don't let me go, Raito-kun. Don't look at me like you want to kill me.

You won't do it, Raito-kun. It's not my time to go.

I will ignore the cravings for your touch to send blissful sensations all over my body; I will stop my senses if I have to. I'll delay my own pleasures and close my body from you if it means it'll build up so much sexuall frustration in you, you will realise that you will never want me to go. Never again.

…which is about as weak a plan as you weeding my name from my lips, even in pure moments of passion as lust. Even with Light in control of said lips. The words you want to hear will not escape my lungs. Do not think me so easily overcome.

Someday, I will have to pay for my sins, but for now I am working on you paying for yours.

But when I find my evidence, will I have the guts to condemn you? To let you go? I never realised how hypocritical I am: I won't let you let me go, but I am willing to give you up? That is unfair to both of us. You will die… and I suppose I will die with you.

This is not wrong, Raito-kun. Sometimes, in your eyes, I see that you're struggling keeping work and play separate. You do not have to, Raito-kun. You merely have to restrain yourself. We can play games if you wish; I am not a workaholic. I much prefer work laced with pleasure. Why else do you think I have the sweets? And don't tell me you believe my bullshit about it helping my brain work. 'Cause you know it's not true. You aren't so stupid. Or maybe I've over-estimating you?

Do I have to find another way around you? To keep you? Forever?

Let me ask you a question, Raito-kun…

Why do you stay with me? Why do you scrunch up this frail heart so many times, even if it's all accidents.

Some days you hate me so much you won't even let me kiss you. Some days you can't let me go - you get your own little, black heart hurt when I start feeling claustrophobic and push you away. Some days you couldn't care less; you just go with the flow and accept everything and anything. You'd let Matsuda take you on the table those days in front of the whole task force if he had the guts to ask and I wasn't there to glare at him when he gets that funny glittering in his eyes when he looks at you.

Some days you just wish I would die. Sometimes it's so evident on your face that you just want Kira to hurry up and kill me - further evidence you have forgotten you are - or perhaps were - Kira.

So why do you stay with me?

Maybe you love me, Raito-kun.

And… maybe I love you too.

* * *

Author's Note: Can you guess what song I used for this one? =] I bet you can't. ;D There are a few paragraphs that so give it away xD But whatever.

This is quite deep, actually. I'm surprised at myself ;o

Anyway, Raley I hope you enjoyed it. Forgive me, yeah? For being such a big dickhead.

x Jack


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